Poor Richard’s Almanac
For quotes in the order of Franklin’s virtues, please visit goodoldben.com/quotes
A change of fortune hurts a wise man no more than a change of the moon.
A child thinks 20 shillings and 20 years can scarce ever be spent.
A cold April, the barn will fill.
A country man between two lawyers, is like a fish between two cats.
Act uprightly, and despise calumny; dirt may stick to a mud wall, but not to polished marble.
A brother may not be a friend, but a friend will always be a brother.
A cypher and humility make the other figures and virtues of tenfold value.
A false friend and a shadow attend only while the sun shines.
A father’s a treasure; a brother’s a comfort; a friend is both.
A fat kitchen, a lean will.
A fine genius in his own country, is like gold in the mine.
A flatterer never seems absurd: The flattered always takes his word.
After three days men grow weary of a wench, a guest, and weather rainy.
After crosses and losses men grow humbler and wiser.
After Fish, Milk do not wish.
A full belly is the mother of all evil.
A full belly makes a dull brain.
A good example is the best sermon.
A good lawyer, a bad neighbor.
A good man is seldom uneasy, an ill one never easy.
A good wife lost, is God’s gift lost.
A good wife & health, is a man’s best wealth.
A great talker may be no fool, but he is one that relies on him.
A house without woman and firelight, is like a body without soul or sprite.
Ah simple Man! when a boy two precious jewels were given thee, Time and good Advice; one you hast lost, and the other thrown away.
A lean award is better than a fat judgment.
A learned blockhead is a greater blockhead than an ignorant one.
A lie stands on one leg, truth on two.
A life of leisure, and a life of laziness, are two things.
A light purse is a heavy curse.
A little house well filled, a little field well tilled, and a little wife well willed, are great riches.
A little well-gotten will do us more good, than lordships and scepters by Rapine and Blood.
All blood is alike ancient.
All mankind are beholden to him that is kind to the good.
All things are cheap to the saving, dear to the wasteful.
All things are easy to industry, all things difficult to sloth.
All would live long, but none would be old.
A long life may not be good enough, – but a good life is long enough.
A man in a passion rides a mad horse.
A man without a wife, is but a half a man.
A man without ceremony has need of great merit in its place.
A man of knowledge like a rich soil, feeds If not a world of corn, a world of weeds.
Ambition often spends foolishly what avarice had wickedly collected.
A mob’s a monster; heads enough, but no brains.
A modern wit is one of David’s fools.
An egg today is better than a hen tomorrow.
An empty bag cannot stand upright.
An empty Sack can hardly stand upright; but if it does, It is a stout one!
A new truth is a truth, an old error is an error, though Clodpate won’t allow either.
Anger and folly walk cheek by jole; repentance treads on both their heels.
Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one.
Anger warms the invention, but over heats the oven.
An honest man will receive neither money nor praise, that is not his due.
A hundred thieves cannot strip one naked man, especially if his skin’s off.
An ill wound, but not an ill name, may be healed.
An innocent plowman is more worthy than a vicious prince.
Anoint a villain and he will stab you; stab him, and he will anoint you.
An old man in a house is a good sign.
An old young man will be a young old man.
An open foe may prove a curse; but a pretended friend is worse.
An ounce of wit that is bought, is worth a pound that is taught.
An undutiful daughter, will prove an unmanageable wife.
A pair of good ears will drain dry a hundred tongues.
A penny saved is two pence clear. A pin a-day is a groat a-year. Save and have.
A plowman on his legs is higher than a gentleman on his knees.
Approve not of him that commends all you say.
A quarrelsome man has no good neighbors.
A quiet conscience sleeps in thunder.
A rich rogue is like a fat dog, who never does good till as dead as a log.
A true great Man will neither trample on a worm nor sneak to an Emperor.
A wise Man will desire no more than what he may get justly, use soberly, distribute cheerfully and leave contentedly.
Are you angry that others disappoint you? Remember you cannot depend upon yourself.
As charms are nonsense, nonsense is a charm.
Ask and have, is sometimes dear buying.
A soft tongue may strike hard.
As pride increases, fortune declines.
As sore places meet most rubs, proud folks meet most affronts.
A temper to bear much, will have much to bear.
A wicked hero will turn his back to an innocent coward.
As we must account for every idle word, so we must for every idle silence.
At a great pennyworth, pause a while.
A traveler should have a hog’s nose, deer’s legs, and an ass’s back.
A true friend is the best possession.
At the working man’s house hunger looks in but dares not enter.
At 20 years of age the will reigns; at thirty the wit; at 40 the judgment.
Avarice and happiness never saw each other; how then should they become acquainted?
Avoid dishonest gain: no price can recompense the pangs of vice.
Bad commentators spoil the best of books.
Bad gains are truly losses.
Bargaining has neither friends nor relations.
Be active in Business, that Temptation may miss her Aim; the Bird that sits, is easily shot.
Be always ashamed to catch yourself idle.
Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors.
Beauty and folly are old companions.
Being ignorant is not so much a shame, as being unwilling to learn.
Ben beats his pate, and fancys wit will come; but he may knock, there’s nobody at home.
Be not miserly of what costs you nothing, as courtesy, counsel, and countenance.
Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing.
Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few; Friend to one; Enemy to none.
Be temperate in wine, in eating, girls, and cloth, or the Gout will seize you and plague you both.
Better is a little with content than much with contention.
Better slip with foot than tongue.
Beware, beware! He will cheat without scruple, who can without fear.
Beware of him that is slow to anger; he is angry for something, and will not be pleased for nothing.
Beware of little expenses, a small leak will sink a great ship.
Beware of meat twice boiled, and an old foe reconciled.
Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.
Bite a man, and test his metal.
Blame-all and praise-all are two blockheads.
Blessed is he that expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.
Buy what you have no need of; and before long you shall sell your necessaries.
By diligence and patience, the mouse bit in two the cable.
Cæsar did not merit the triumphal car more than he that conquers himself.
Calamity and prosperity are the touchstones of integrity.
Ceremony is not civility; nor civility ceremony.
Changing countries or beds, cures neither a bad manager, nor a fever.
Cheese and salt meat should be sparingly eaten.
Children and princes will quarrel for trifles.
Christianity commands us to pass by injuries; policy, to let them pass by us.
Clean your finger, before you point at my spots.
Clearly spoken, Mr. Fog! You explain English by Greek.
Content and riches seldom meet together. Riches take thou, contentment I had rather.
Content is the philosopher’s stone, that turns all it touches into gold.
Content makes poor men rich; discontent makes rich men poor.
Courage would fight, but discretion won’t let him.
Creditors have better memories than debtors.
Cut the wings of your hens and hopes, lest they lead you a wary dance after them.
Danger is sauce for prayers.
Dally not with other folks’ women or money.
Death takes no bribes.
Declaiming against pride, is not always a sign of humility.
Defer not thy well doing; be not like St. George, who is always on horseback, and never rides on.
Deny self for self’s sake.
Despair ruins some, presumption many.
Different sects like different clocks, may be all near the matter, though they don’t quite agree.
Diligence is the mother of good luck.
Diligence overcomes difficulties and sloth makes them.
Dine with little, sup with less: Do better still: sleep supperless.
Distrust and caution are the parents of security.
Do good to your friend to keep him, to your enemy to gain him.
Doing an injury puts you below your enemy; revenging one makes you but even with him; forgiving, it sets you above him.
Doors and walls are fools’ paper.
Do not do that which you would not have known.
Do me the favor to deny me at once.
Don’t go to the doctor with every distemper, nor to the lawyer with
every quarrel, nor to the pot for every thirst.
Don’t judge of men’s wealth or piety, by their Sunday appearances.
Don’t misinform your doctor nor your lawyer.
Don’t overload gratitude; if you do she will kick.
Don’t think to hunt two hares with one dog.
Don’t throw stones at your neighbors, if your own windows are glass.
Don’t value a man for the quality he is of, but for the qualities he possesses.
Do you love life? Then do not squander time; for that’s the stuff life is made of.
Drink does not drown care, but waters it, and makes it grow faster.
Drink water; put the money in your pocket, and leave the dry-bellyache in the punch-bowl.
Drive your business, or it will drive you.
Drive your business; – let not that drive you.
Drunkenness, that worst of evils, makes some men fools, some beasts, some devils.
Each year one vicious habit rooted out, in time might make the worst man good throughout.
Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
Eat few suppers, and you’ll need few medicines.
Eat to live; live not to eat.
Eat to please yourself, but dress to please others.
Employ your time well, if you mean to gain leisure.
Enjoy the present hour, be mindful of the past; And neither fear nor wish the approaches of the last.
Epitaph on a scolding wife by her husband: Here my poor Bridget’s corpse do lie, she is at rest, and so am I.
Ever since follies have pleased, fools have been able to divert.
Ever you remark another’s sin, bid your own conscience look within.
Every little makes a mickle.
Every man has assurance enough to boast of his honesty, few of their understanding.
Experience keeps a dear school, yet fools will learn in no other.
Eyes and priests bear no jests.
Fear God, and your enemies will fear you.
Fear not death; for the sooner we die, the longer shall we be immortal.
Fear to do ill, and you need fear nothing else.
Fine linen, girls and gold bright, choose not to take by candle light.
Fish and visitors stink in three days.
Fly pleasures and they’ll follow you.
Fond pride of dress is sure an empty curse; e’er fancy you consult, consult your purse.
Fools make feasts, and wise men eat them.
Fools multiply folly.
Fools need advice most, but wise men only are the better for it
Forewarned, forearmed.
For 6£ a year you may have use of 100£, if you are a man of known prudence and honesty.
For age and want save while you may; no morning sun lasts a whole day.
For one poor man there are a hundred indigent.
For want of a nail the shoe is lost; for want of a shoe, the horse is lost; for want of a horse the rider is lost.
Friends are the true Scepters of Princes.
Friendship cannot live with ceremony, nor without civility.
Friendship increases by visiting friends, but by visiting seldom.
Full of courtesy, full of craft.
George came to the crown without striking a blow; Ah! – quoth the Pretender, would I could do so.
Generous minds are all of kin.
Genius without education is like silver in the mine.
Gifts burst rocks.
Gifts much expected, are paid, not given.
Give me yesterday’s bread, this day’s flesh, and last year’s cyder.
Glass, china, and reputation are easily cracked, and never well mended.
God gives all things to industry.
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees.
God helps them that help themselves.
God, parents, and instructors, can never be requited.
Good sense is a thing all need, few have, and none think they want.
Good wives and good plantations are made by good husbands.
Grace thou thy house, and let not that grace thee.
Graft good fruit all, or graft not at all.
Great almsgiving, lessens no man’s living.
Great wits jump, says the poet, and hit his head against the post.
Great beauty, great strength, and great riches are really and truly of no great use ; a right heart exceeds all.
Great estates may venture more; little boats must keep near shore.
Great famine when wolves eat wolves.
Great good-nature, without prudence, is a great misfortune.
Great merit is coy, as well as great pride.
Great modesty often hides great merit.
Great spenders are bad lenders.
Great talkers, little doers.
Great talkers should be cropped, for they’ve no need of ears.
Half hospitality opens his door and shuts up his countenance.
Half the truth is often a great lie.
Half wits talk much but say little.
Happy that Nation, fortunate that age, whose history is not diverting.
Happy’s the wooing that’s not long a doing.
Happy Tom Crump, never sees his own hump.
Haste makes waste.
Harry Smatter, has a mouth for every matter.
Have you somewhat to do tomorrow; do it today.
Having been poor is no shame, but being ashamed of it, is.
Hear no ill of a friend, nor speak any of an enemy.
Hear reason, or she’ll make you feel her.
He does not possess wealth, it possesses him.
He has changed his one eyed horse for a blind one.
He has lost his boots, but saved his spurs.
He is a governor that governs his passions, and he a servant that serves them.
He is ill clothed, who is bare of virtue.
He is no clown that drives the plow, but he that does clownish things.
He is not well bred, that cannot bear ill-breeding in others.
Help, hands; for I have no lands.
He makes a foe, who makes a jest.
Here comes the orator, with his flood of words, and his drop of reason.
Here comes glib-tongue: who can outflatter a dedication; and lie, like ten epitaphs.
He’s a fool that cannot conceal his wisdom.
He’s a fool that makes his doctor his heir.
He’s gone, and forgot nothing but to say farewell to his creditors.
He’s the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines.
He that best understands the world, least likes it.
He that builds before he counts the cost, acts foolishly; and he that counts before he builds, finds he did not count wisely.
He that buys by the penny, maintains not only himself, but other people.
He that by the plow would thrive, himself must either hold or drive.
He that can bear a reproof, and mend by it, if he is not wise, is in a fair way of being so.
He that can compose himself, is wiser than he that composes books.
He that can have patience can have what he will.
He that cannot bear with other people’s passions, cannot govern his own.
He that cannot obey, cannot command.
He that can take rest is greater than he that can take cities.
He that can travel well afoot, keeps a good horse.
He that does what he should not, shall feel what he would not.
He that drinks fast, pays slow.
He that drinks his cyder alone, let him catch his horse alone.
He that falls in love with himself, will have no rivals.
He that goes far to marry, will either deceive or be deceived.
He that has a trade, has an office of profit and honor.
He that has not got a wife, is not yet a complete man.
He that has a trade, has an estate.
He that idly loses 5s. worth of time, loses 5s., and might as prudently throw 5s. into the river. He that loses 5s. not only loses that sum, but all the other advantages that might be made by turning it in dealing, which, by the time a young man becomes old, amounts to a comfortable bag of money.
He that lives well is learned enough.
He that is of opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for money.
He that is rich need not live sparingly, and he that can live sparingly, need not be rich.
He that lies down with dogs, shall rise up with fleas.
He that never eats too much, will never be lazy.
He that pays for work before it’s done, has but a pennyworth for two pence.
He that pursues two hares at once, does not catch one and let the other go.
He that resolves to mend hereafter, resolves not to mend now.
He that rises late, must trot all day, and shall scarce overtake his business by night.
He that scatters thorns, let him not go barefoot.
He that’s content has enough; he that complains has too much.
He that sells upon trust, loses many friends, and always wants money.
He that sows thorns, should never go barefoot.
He that speaks ill of the mare, will buy her.
He that speaks much, is much mistaken.
He that spends a small sum a day idly, spends idly above 6£ a year, which is the price of using 100£.
He that spills the rum loses that only; he that drinks it, often loses both that and himself.
He that takes a wife, takes care.
He that waits upon fortune, is never sure of a dinner.
He that wastes idly a groat’s worth of his time per day one day with another, wastes the privilege of using 100£ each day.
He that Whines for Glass without G, take away L and that’s he.
He that won’t be counselled, can’t be helped.
He that would catch fish, must venture his bait.
He that would have a short Lent, let him borrow money to be repaid at Easter.
He that would live in peace and at ease, must not speak all he knows, nor judge all he sees.
He that would rise at court, must begin by creeping.
He that would travel much, should eat little.
He who multiplies riches multiplies cares.
He who buys had need have 100 eyes, but one’s enough for him that sells the stuff.
Here comes Courage! that seized the lion absent, and ran away from the present mouse.
Hide not your Talents, they for Use were made: What’s a Sun-Dial in the Shade?
Hold your council before dinner; the full belly hates thinking as well as acting.
Honors change manners.
Honor thy father and mother, i. e., live so as to be an honor to them when they are dead.
Hope and a red rag, are baits for men and mackerel.
Hope of gain lessens pain.
How few there are who have courage enough to own their faults or resolution enough to mend them!.
How many observe Christ’s Birthday; How few his Precepts! O, It is easier to keep Holidays than Commandments.
Hunger is the best pickle.
Hunger never saw bad bread.
Idleness is the Dead Sea, that swallows all virtues.
Idleness is the greatest prodigality.
If any man flatters me, I’ll flatter him again, though he were my best friend.
If it were not for the belly, the back might wear gold.
If Jack’s in love, he’s no judge of Jill’s beauty.
If man could have half his wishes, he would double his troubles.
If passion drives, let reason hold the reins.
If pride leads the van, beggary brings up the rear.
If you have wit and learning, add to it wisdom and modesty.
If you injure conscience, it will have its revenge on you.
If you want to live long, live well; for folly and wickedness shorten life.
If you want a neat wife, go choose her on a Saturday.
If you’d be wealthy, think of saving, more than of getting: The Indies have not made Spain rich, because her Outgoes equal her Incomes.
If wind blows on you through a hole, make your will and take care of your soul.
If worldly goods cannot save me from death, they ought not to hinder me to eternal life.
If you would be beloved, make yourself amiable.
If you desire many things, many things seem but a few.
If you’d have a servant that you like, serve yourself.
If you would have it done, go; if not, send.
If you want to know the value of money, go and borrow some.
If you want to lose a troublesome visitor, lend him money.
If you do what you would not, you must hear what you would not.
If you have no money in your pot, have some in your mouth.
If you have time don’t wait for time.
If you know how to spend less than you get, you have the philosopher’s stone.
If your head is wax, don’t walk in the sun.
If you ride a horse, sit close and tight, if you ride a man, sit easy and light.
If your riches are yours, why don’t you take them with you to the other world?
If you would be loved, love and be lovable.
If you would be revenged of your enemy, govern yourself.
If you would have guests merry with cheer, be so yourself, or so at least appear.
If you would keep your secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend.
If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead and rotten, either write things worth reading, or do things worth writing.
If you would reap praise, you must sow the seeds, gentle words and useful deeds.
Ignorance leads men into a party, and shame keeps them from getting out again.
I have never seen the philosopher’s stone that turns lead into gold, but I have known the pursuit of it turn a man’s gold into lead.
Ill company is like a dog who dirts those most, that he loves best.
Ill customs and bad advice are seldom forgotten.
I’ll warrant ye”, goes before rashness; “Who’d-a-tho’t” comes sneaking after.
In a discreet man’s mouth a public thing is private.
Industry pays debts, despair increases them.
Industry, Perseverance, & Frugality, make Fortune yield.
In escaping from Fire, a Woman, or an Enemy, the wise man will walk, not run.
In success be moderate.
Interest which blinds some people, enlightens others.
In the affairs of this world men are saved, not by faith, but by the want of it.
I saw few die of hunger, of eating 100,000.
Is there anything men take more pains about than to render themselves unhappy?
It is better to take many injuries, than to give one.
It is ill jesting with the joiner’s tools, worse with the doctor’s.
It is ill-manners to silence a fool, and cruelty to let him go on.
It is not leisure that is not used.
It is wise not to seek a secret, and honest not to reveal it.
It’s common for men to give pretended reasons instead of one real one.
It’s the easiest thing in the world for a man to deceive himself.
It is against some men’s principle to pay interest, and seems against others’ interest to pay the principal.
It is a laudable ambition, that aims at being better than his neighbors.
It is a shame that your family is an honor to you! You ought to be an honor to your family.
It is a strange forest that has no rotten wood in it, and a strange kindred that all are good in it.
It is better leave for an enemy at one’s death, than beg of a friend in one’s life.
It is easier to build two chimneys, than maintain one in fuel.
It is easier to prevent bad habits than to break them.
It is easy to see, hard to foresee.
It is easier to suppress the first desire, than to satisfy all that follow it.
It is great confidence in a friend to tell him your faults, greater to tell him his.
It is hard (but glorious) to be poor and honest.
It is less discredit to abridge petty charges, than to stoop to petty gettings.
It is not a holiday that’s not kept holy.
It is a well spent penny that saves a groat.
Jack Little sowed little, and little he will reap.
Keep Conscience clear, then never fear.
Keep flax from fire, youth from gaming.
Keep thou from the opportunity, and God will keep thee from the sin.
Keep your shop, and your shop will keep you.
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
Keep your mouth wet, feet dry.
Kings and bears often worry their keepers.
Kings have long arms, but misfortune longer; let none think themselves out of her reach.
Late children, early orphans.
Laws like to cobwebs, catch small flies, great ones break through before your eyes.
Laws too gentle are seldom obeyed; too severe, seldom executed.
Laziness travels so slowly, that poverty soon overtakes him.
Learn of the skillful; he that teaches himself has a fool for his master.
Lend money to an enemy, and you will gain him, to a friend and you will lose him.
Let all men know thee, but no man know thee thoroughly; men freely ford that see the shallows.
Let every new year find you a better man.
Let your child’s first lesson be obedience, and the second may be what thou wilt.
Let your discontents be your secrets; -if the world knows them it will despise you and increase them.
Let your discontents be secrets.
Let your maid-servant be faithful, strong, and homely.
Let your vices die before you.
Liberality is not giving much, but giving wisely.
Life with Fools consists in Drinking; with the wise Man, living’s Thinking.
Light gains, heavy purses.
Light heeled mothers make leaden- heeled daughters.
Light purse, heavy heart.
Little rogues easily become great ones.
Little strokes fell great oaks.
Look before, or you’ll find yourself behind.
Lost time is never found again.
Love, and be loved.
Love, cough, and a smoke, can’t well be hid.
Lover and Lordship hate companions.
Lovers, travelers, and poets will give money to be heard.
Love well, whip well.
Love your enemies, for they tell you your faults.
Love your neighbor; yet don’t pull down your hedge.
Lying rides upon debt’s back.
Mad kings and mad bulls, are not to be held by treaties and packthread.
Make haste slowly.
Mankind are very odd creatures: One half censure what they practice, the other half practice what they censure; the rest always say and do as they ought.
Many a man’s own tongue gives evidence against his understanding.
Many a man would have been worse, if his estate had been better.
Many a Man thinks he is buying Pleasure, when he is really selling himself a Slave to it.
Many a meal is lost for want of meat.
Many a long dispute among Divines may be thus abridged, It is so: It is not so; It is so: It is not so.
Many complain of their memory, few of their judgment.
Many dishes, many diseases.
Many estates are spent in the getting.
Many foxes grow grey, but few grow good.
Many have been ruined by buying good pennyworths.
Many have quarreled about religion, that never practiced it.
Many medicines, few cures.
Many princes sin with David, but few repent with him.
Many would live by their wits, but break for want of stock.
Marry above your match, and you will get a master.
Marry your son when you will, but your daughter when you can.
Mary’s mouth costs her nothing, for she never opens it but at others expense.
Meanness is the parent of insolence.
Men and melons are hard to know.
Men differ daily about things which are subject to sense, is it likely then they should agree about things invisible?
Men meet, mountains never.
Men often mistake themselves, seldom forget themselves.
Men take more pains to mask than mend.
Modesty is a virtue; bashfulness is a vice.
Money and good manners make the gentleman.
Money and man a mutual friendship show; man makes false money, money makes man so.
Monkeys, warm with envious spite, their most obliging friends will bite.
Most fools think they are only ignorant.
Most of the learning in use, is of no great use.
Most people return small favors, acknowledge middling ones, and repay great ones with ingratitude.
Much virtue in herbs, little in men.
Necessity has no law; I know some attorneys of the same.
Necessity has no law; Why? Because, ’tis not to be had without money.
Necessity never made a good bargain.
Never take a wife you have a house (and a fire) to put her in.
Neglect kills injuries, revenge increases them.
Neglect mending a small fault, and it will soon be a great one.
Neither praise nor dispraise, till seven Christmasses be over.
Never entreat a servant to dwell with you.
Never praise your cyder, horse, or bedfellow.
Never spare the parson’s wine, nor the baker’s pudding.
Neither trust, nor contend, nor lay wagers, nor lend; and you’ll have peace to your Lives’ end.
Nice eaters seldom meet with a good dinner.
Nick’s passions grow fat and hearty; his understanding looks consumptive.
Nine men in ten are suicides.
No better relation than a prudent and faithful friend.
No gains without pains.
No man was ever glorious who was not laborious.
None are deceived but they that confide.
None but the well-bred man knows how to confess a fault, or acknowledge himself in an error.
None know the unfortunate, and the fortunate do not know themselves.
None preaches better than the ant, and she says nothing.
No resolution repenting hereafter, can be sincere.
Nor eye in a letter, nor hand in a purse, nor ear in the secret of another.
Nor is a duty beneficial because it is commanded, but it is commanded because it is beneficial.
Nothing brings more pain than too much pleasure; nothing more bondage than too much liberty, (or libertinism).
Nothing but money is sweeter than honey.
Nothing dries sooner than a tear.
Nothing humbler than ambition, when it is about to climb.
Nothing more like a fool, than a drunken man.
Nothing so popular as goodness.
Now I’ve a sheep and a cow, every body bids me good morrow.
No wonder Tom grows fat: the unwieldy sinner makes his whole life but one continual dinner.
No wood without bark.
No workman without tools, nor lawyer without fools, can live by their rules.
Observe all men; yourself most.
Observe old Vellum; he praises former times, as if he’d a mind to sell them.
Of learned fools I have seen ten times ten; of unlearned wise men I have seen a hundred.
O Lazy bones! Do you think God would have given you arms and legs, if he had not designed you should not use them?
Old boys have their playthings as well as young ones; the difference is only in the price.
Old young and old long.
One good husband is worth two good wives; for the scarcer things are the more they are valued.
One may be more cunning than another, but not more cunning than everybody else.
One mend-fault is worth two find- faults, but one find-fault is better than two make-faults.
One today is worth two tomorrows.
Onions can make even heirs and widows weep.
Pain wastes the body; pleasures the understanding.
Pardoning the bad, is injuring the good.
Paintings and fightings are best seen at a distance.
Patience in market, is worth pounds in a year.
Pay what you owe, and you’ll know what’s your own.
People who are wrapped up in themselves make small packages.
Philosophy as well as foppery often changes fashion.
Plough deep while sluggards sleep; and you shall have corn to sell and to keep.
Pollio, who values nothing that’s within, buys books as men hunt beavers, for their skin.
Poor Dick eats like a well man, and drinks like a sick.
Poor Plain Dealing! Dead without issue.
Poverty, poetry, and new titles of honor, make men ridiculous.
Poverty wants some things, luxury many things, avarice all things.
Praise little, dispraise less.
Praise to the undeserving is severe satire.
Pray, don’t burn my house to roast your eggs.
Prayers and provender hinder no journey.
Presumption first blinds a man, then sets him a running.
Pretty and witty, will wound if they hit you.
Pride and the gout are seldom cured throughout.
Pride breakfasted with plenty, dined with poverty, supped with infamy.
Pride dines upon vanity, sups on contempt.
Pride is as loud a beggar as want, and a great deal more saucy.
Pride gets into the coach, and shame mounts behind.
Proclaim not all you know, all you owe, all you have, nor all you can.
Prodigality of time, produces poverty of mind as well as of estate.
Promises may get you friends, but non-performance will turn them into enemies.
Proportion your charity to the strength of your estate, or God will proportion your estate to the weakness of your charity.
Prosperity discovers vice, adversity, virtue.
Proud modern learning despises the ancient. School-men are now laughed at by school-boys.
Quarrels never could last long, if on one side only lay the wrong.
Rather go to bed supperless, than run in debt for a breakfast.
Reading makes a full man, meditation a profound man, discourse a clear man.
Read much, but not many books.
Retirement does not always secure virtue; Lot was upright in the city, wicked in the mountain.
Rob not for burnt offerings.
Rob not God, nor the poor, lest you ruin yourself; the eagle snatched a coal from the altar, but it fired her nest.
Samson with his strong body, had a weak head, or he would not have laid in a harlot’s lap.
Saying and doing have quarreled and parted.
Search others for their virtues, you for your vices.
Seek Virtue, and of that possessed, to Providence resign the rest.
Sell not virtue to purchase wealth, nor liberty to purchase power.
Serving God is doing good to Man, but praying is thought an easier Service, and therefore more generally chosen.
Sally laughs at everything you say. Why? Because she has fine teeth.
Silence is not always a sign of wisdom, but babbling is ever a mark of folly.
Silks and satins put out the kitchen fire.
Since I cannot govern my own Tongue though within my own teeth, how can I hope to govern the Tongues of others?
Sin is not hurtful because it is forbidden, but it is forbidden because it is hurtful.
Since you are not sure of a minute, throw not away an hour.
Singularity in the right, hath ruined many; happy those who are convinced of the general opinion.
Sleep without supping, and you’ll rise without owing for it.
Sloth and silence are a fool’s virtues.
Sloth (like rust) consumes faster than labor wears. The used key is always bright.
Snowy winter, a plentiful harvest.
Some are justly laughed at for keeping their money foolishly, others for spending it idly; he is the greatest fool that lays it out in a purchase of repentance.
Some are weatherwise, some are otherwise.
Some make conscience of wearing a hat in the church, who make none of robbing the altar.
Sorrow is good for nothing but sin.
Spare and have is better than spend and crave.
Speak and speed; the close mouth catches no flies.
Speak little, do much.
Speak with contempt of none, from slave to king; the meanest bee hath, and will use, a sting.
Strange! that a man who has wit enough to write a satire, should have folly enough to publish it.
Strange, that he who lives by shifts, can seldom shift himself.
Strive to be the greatest man in your country, and you may be disappointed; strive to be the best, and you may succeed; he may well win the race that runs by himself.
Success has ruined many a man.
Sudden power is apt to be insolent, sudden liberty saucy; that behaves best which has grown gradually.
Suspicion may be no fault, but showing it may be a great one.
Take counsel in wine, but resolve afterwards in water.
Take courage, mortal; death can’t banish you out of the universe.
Take heed of the vinegar of sweet wine, and the anger of good-nature.
Take this remark from Richard, poor and lame, whatever is begun in anger, ends in shame.
Talking against religion is unchaining a tiger; the beast let loose may worry his deliverer.
Tart words make no friends; a spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar.
Teach your child to hold his tongue, he’ll learn fast enough to speak.
Tell a miser he’s rich, and a woman she’s old, you’ll get no money of
one, nor kindness of the other.
Tell me my faults, and mend your Own.
The absent are never without fault, nor the present without excuse.
The ancients tell us what is best, but we must learn of the moderns what is fittest.
The bell calls others to church, but itself never minds the sermon.
The bird that sits, is easily shot.
The brave and the wise can both pity and excuse, when cowards and fools shew no mercy.
The busy man has few idle visitors; to the boiling pot the flies come not.
The cat in gloves catches no mice.
The creditors are a superstitious sect, great observers of set days and times.
The cunning man steals a horse, the wise man lets him alone.
The devil sweetens poison with honey.
The Devil wipes his Breech with poor Folks’ Pride.
The diligent Spinner has a large shift.
The discontented man finds no easy chair.
The doors of wisdom are never shut.
The end of passion is the beginning of repentance.
The excellency of hogs is fatness, of men virtue.
The eye of a master, will do more work than his hand.
The family of fools is ancient.
The favor of the great is no inheritance.
The first mistake in public business, is the going into it.
The first degree of folly, is to conceit one’s self wise; the second to profess it; the third to despise counsel.
The generous mind least regards money, and yet most feels the want of it.
The golden age never was the present age.
The good pay-master is lord of another man’s purse.
The Good-will of the governed will be starved, if not fed by the good deeds of the Governors.
The good or ill hap of a good or ill life, is the good or ill choice of a good or ill wife.
The heart of the fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of the wise man is in his heart.
The heathens when they dy’d, went to bed without a candle.
The honest man takes pains, and then enjoys pleasures; the knave takes pleasures, and then suffers pains.
The honey is sweet, but the bee has a sting.
The horse thinks one thing, and he that saddles him another.
The idle man is the devil’s hireling; whose livery is rags, whose diet and
wages are famine and diseases.
The king’s cheese is half wasted in parings; but no matter, it is made of the people’s milk.
The learned fool writes his nonsense in better language than the learned; but still it is nonsense.
The magistrate should obey the laws, the people should obey the magistrate.
The master’s eye will do more work than both his hands.
The miser’s cheese is wholesom’st.
The most exquisite folly is made of wisdom spun too fine.
The muses love the morning.
The nearest way to come to glory, is to do that for conscience which we do for glory.
The noblest question in the world is, what good may I do in it?
The old man has given all to his son; O fool! to undress thyself before thou art going to bed.
The painful preacher, like a candle bright, consumes himself in giving others light.
The poor have little, beggars none, the rich too much, enough not one.
The poor man must walk to get meat for his stomach, the rich man to get a stomach to his meat.
The prodigal generally does more injustice than the covetous.
The proof of gold is fire; the proof of woman, gold; the proof of man, a woman.
The proud hate pride in others.
The thrifty maxim of the wary Dutch, is to save all the money they can touch.
The Wise and Brave dares own that he was wrong.
There are lazy minds as well as lazy bodies.
There are no fools so troublesome as those that have wit.
There are no ugly loves, nor handsome prisons.
There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready
money.
There are three things extremely hard, steel, a diamond and to know one’s self.
There is neither honor nor gain got in dealing with a villain.
There is no little enemy.
There is no man so bad but he secretly respects the good.
There is much difference between imitating a good man, and counterfeiting him.
There is much money given to be laughed at, though the purchasers don’t know it; witness A’s fine horse, and B’s fine house.
There’s a time to wink as well as to see.
There’re many witty men whose brains can’t fill their bellies.
There’s more old drunkards, than old doctors.
There’s none deceived but he that trusts.
There’s small revenge in words, but words may be greatly revenged.
There was never a good knife made of bad steel.
They who have nothing to trouble them, will be troubled at nothing.
The rivers and bad governments, the lightest things swim at top.
The rotten apple spoils his companion.
The royal crown cures not the headache.
The same man cannot be both friend and flatterer.
The sleeping fox catches no poultry. Up! up!
The second vice is lying; the first is running in debt.
The sting of a reproach is the truth of it.
The sun never repents of the good he does, nor does he ever demand a recompence.
The things which hurt, instruct.
The tongue is ever turning to the aching tooth.
The tongue offends, and the ears get the cuffing.
The too obliging temper is evermore disobliging itself.
The way to be safe, is never to be secure.
The way to see by faith, is to shut the Eye of Reason.
The morning daylight appears plainer when you put out your candle.
The wise man draws more advantage from his enemies, than the fool from his friends.
The worst wheel of the cart makes the most noise.
The wolf sheds his coat once a year, his disposition never.
Think of three things, whence you came, where you are going, and to whom you must account.
Thirst after desert, not reward.
Those that have much business must have much pardon.
Those who are feared, are hated.
Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a bloody nose.
Tho’ the mastiff be gentle, yet bite him not by the lip.
You cannot joke an enemy into a friend; but you may a friend into an enemy.
Three good meals a day is bad living.
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
Three things are men most likely to be cheated in, a horse, a wig, and a wife.
Tim and his handsaw are good in their place, tho’ not fit for preaching or shaving a face.
Time enough always proves little enough.
Time is an herb that cures all diseases.
He was so learned, that he could name a horse in nine languages. So ignorant, that he bought a cow to ride on.
To bear other people’s afflictions, every one has courage enough, and to spare.
To be humble to superiors is duty, to equals courtesy, to inferiors nobleness.
To be intimate with a foolish friend, is like going to bed with a razor.
To be proud of knowledge, is to be blind with light; to be proud of virtue, is to poison yourself with the antidote.
Today is yesterday’s pupil.
To err is human, to repent divine, to persist devilish.
To lengthen your life, lessen your meals.
Tomorrow every fault is to be amended; but that tomorrow never comes.
Tomorrow I’ll reform, the fool does say;
Today itself’s too late; – the wise did yesterday.
Tom, vain’s your pains; they all will fail; ne’er was good arrow made of a sow’s tail.
Tongue double, brings trouble.
Too much plenty makes mouth dainty.
To whom your secret you do tell, to him your freedom you do sell.
Tricks and treachery are the practice of fools, that have not wit enough to be honest.
Trouble springs from idleness; toil from ease.
Trust yourself, and another shall not betray you.
Two dry sticks will burn a green one.
Up, sluggard, and waste not life; in the grave will be sleeping enough.
Vain-glory flowers, but bears no fruit.
Vanity backbites more than malice.
Vice knows she’s ugly, so puts on her mask.
Virtue and a trade, are a child’s best portion.
Virtue and happiness are mother and daughter.
Virtue may not always make a face handsome, but vice will certainly make it ugly.
Visits should be short, like a winter’s day; lest you’re too troublesome hasten away.
Visit your aunt, but not every day; and call at your brother’s, but not every night.
Want of care does us more damage than want of knowledge.
Wars bring scars.
We are not so sensible of the greatest health as of the least sickness.
Wealth is not his that has it, but his that enjoys it.
Wealth and content are not always bedfellows.
What is Serving God? It is doing good to man.
Weighty questions ask for deliberate answers.
Welcome, mischief, if you come alone.
Well done is better than well said.
Well done, is twice done.
We may give advice, but we cannot give conduct.
What is a butterfly at best? He’s but a caterpillar dressed, the gaudy fop’s his picture just.
What is given shines, what’s received is rusty.
What more valuable than Gold? Diamonds. Than Diamonds? Virtue.
What maintains one Vice would bring up two children.
What one relishes, nourishes.
What signifies knowing the names, if you know not the natures of things.
What signifies your patience, if you can’t find it when you want it.
What’s proper is becoming; see the blacksmith with his white silk apron.
What you would seem to be, be really.
When a friend deals with a friend, let the bargain be clear and well penned, that they may continue friends to the end.
When befriended, remember it; when you befriend, forget it.
When death puts out your flame, the snuff will tell, if we were wax or tallow by the smell.
When knaves betray each other, one can scarce be blamed or the other pitied.
When knaves fall out, honest men get their goods; when priests dispute, we come at the truth.
When man and woman die, as poets sung, his heart’s the last part moves, her last, the tongue.
When man and woman in conjunction lie, Then, maids, whatever is asked of you, deny.
When out of favor, none know you; when in, you do not know yourself.
When prosperity was well mounted, she let go the bridle, and soon came tumbling out of the saddle.
When reason preaches, if you won’t hear her, she’ll box your ears.
When there’s more malice shown than matter, on the writer falls the satire.
When the well is dry, we know the worth of water.
When the wine enters, out goes the truth.
When ’tis fair, be sure take your coat with you.
When you’re good to others, you are best to yourself.
When you’re an Anvil, hold you still; when you’re a Hammer, strike your fill.
When you speak to a man, look on his eyes; when he speaks to you, look on his mouth.
When you taste honey, remember gall.
Where bread is wanting, all’s to be sold.
Where carcasses are, eagles will gather; where good Laws are, much people flock thither.
Where sense is wanting, everything is wanting.
Where there’s no law, there’s no bread.
Where there is hunger, law is not regarded; and where law is not regarded, there will be hunger.
Where there’s marriage without love, there will be love without marriage.
Where yet was ever found the mother, who’d change her baby for another?
Who says Jack is not generous? – he is always fond of giving, and cares not for receiving, – what? – why, advice.
Wide will wear, but narrow will tear.
Wink at small faults; remember you have great ones.
Wise men learn by others’ harms; fools by their own.
Wish not so much to live long as to live well.
Without justice courage is weak.
With the old almanack and the old year, leave your old vices, though they are very dear.
Who dainties love, shall beggars prove.
Who has deceived you so often as yourself?
Who is powerful? He that governs his passions.
Who is rich? He that is content.
Who is rich? He that rejoices in his portion.
Who is strong? He that can conquer his bad habits.
Who is wise? He that learns from every one.
Who judges best of a man, his enemies or himself?
Who knows a fool, must know his brother; for one will recommend another.
Willows are weak, but they bind the bundle of sticks.
Wish a miser long life, and you wish him no good.
Women and wine, game and deceit, make the wealth small and the wants great.
Words may show a man’s wit, but actions his meaning.
Work as if you were to live 100 years, pray as if you were to die tomorrow.
Would you live with ease, do what you ought, and not what you please.
Would you persuade, speak of interest, not of reason.
Write injuries in dust, benefits in marble.
Write with the learned, pronounce with the vulgar.
Why does the blind man’s wife paint herself?
You can bear your own faults, and why not a fault in your wife.
You may be too cunning for one, but not for all.
You may be more happy than princes, if you will be more virtuous.
You may delay, but time will not.
You may give a man an office, but you cannot give him discretion.
You may talk too much on the best subjects.
You may sometimes be much in the wrong, in owning your being in the right.
Youth is pert and positive, age modest and doubting; so ears of corn when young and light, stand bolt upright, but hang their heads when weighty, full, and ripe.
You will be careful, if you are wise; how you touch men’s religion, or credit, or eyes
There’s many men forget their proper station
And still are meddling with the administration
Of government; that’s wrong and this is right,
And such a law is out of reason quite;
Thus, spending too much thoughts on state affairs,
The business is neglected, which is theirs.
So some fond traveler gazing at the stars,
Slips in next ditch, and gets a dirty arse.
Certainly these things agree, the priest, the lawyer and death, all three;
Death takes both the weak and the strong,
The lawyer takes from both right and wrong,
And the priest from the living and dead has his fee.
Money & Man a mutual Friendship show:
Man makes false Money, Money makes Man so.
Ye Party Zealots, thus it fares with you,
When Party Rage too warmly you pursue;
Both Sides club Nonsense and impetuous Pride,
And Folly joins whom Sentiments divide.
You vent your Spleen as Monkeys when they pass,
Scratch at the mimic Monkey in the Glass,
While both are one; and henceforth be it known,
Fools of both Sides shall stand as Fools alone.
To-morrow you’ll reform, you always cry;
In what far country does this morrow lie,
That It is so mighty long ere it arrive?
Beyond the Indies does this morrow live?
It is so far-fetched, this morrow, that I fear
‘Twill be both very old and very dear.
A lawyer being sick, and extream ill,
Was moved by his friends to make his will,
Which soon he did, gave all the wealth he had,
To frantic persons, lunatick and mad.
And to his friends this reason did reveal,
(That they might see with equity he’d deal,)
From madmen’s hands I did my wealth receive,
Therefore that wealth to madmen’s hands I leave.
On his death bed poor Lubin lies;
His spouse is in despair;
With frequent sobs, and mutual cries
They both express their care.
A diff’rent cause, says parson Sly,
The same effect may give,
Poor Lubin fears that he shall die;
His wife – that he may live.
Although your teacher act not as he preaches,
Yet nevertheless, if good, do what he teaches;
Good counsel, failing men may give, for why,
He that’s aground knows where the shoal do lie.
My old friend Berryman often, when alive,
Taught others thrift, himself could never thrive:
Thus like the whetstone, many men are wont
To sharpen others while themselves are blunt.
You say you’ll spend five hundred pound,
The world and men to know,
And take a tour all Europe round,
Improving as you go.
Dear Sam, in search of other’s sense,
Discover not your own;
But wisely double the expense,
That you may pass unknown.
Whimsical Will once fancy’d he was ill,
The Doctor call’d, who thus examin’d Will;
How is your appetite? O, as to that
I eat quite heartily, you see I’m fat;
How is your sleep anights? It is sound and good;
I eat, drink, sleep, as well as e’er I cou’d.
Will, says the doctor, clapping on his hat,
I’ll give you something shall remove all that.
Lalus who loves to hear himself discourse,
Keeps talking still as if he frantick were,
And tho’ himself might no where hear a worse,
Yet he no other but himself will hear.
Stop not his mouth, if he be troublesome,
But stop his ears, and then the man is dumb.
Enrag’d was Buckram, when his wife he beat,
That she’d so often, “lousy knave” repeat.
At length he seized and dragg’d her to the well,
I’ll cool your tongue, or I’ll your courage quell.
Ducking, your case, poor Buckram, little mends;
She had her lesson at her fingers’ ends.
Sows’d over head, her arms she raises high;
And cracking nails the want of tongue supply.
Daphnis, says Clio, has a charming Eye;
What Pity It is her Shoulder is awry.
William, because his wife was something ill,
Uncertain in her health, indifferent still,
He turn’d her out of doors, without reply:
I ask’d if he that act could justify.
In sickness and in health, says he, I am bound
To keep her; when she’s worse or better found,
I’ll take her in again; and now you’ll see,
She’ll quickly either mend or end, says he.
ON T. T. WHO DESTROYED HIS LANDLORD’S FINE WOOD
Indulgent nature to each kind bestows
A secret instinct to discern its foes:
The goose, a silly bird, avoids the fox;
Lambs fly from wolves; and sailors steer from rocks;
A rogue the gallows, as his fate, foresees,
And bears the like antipathy to trees.
Against Diseases here, the strongest Fence,
Is the defensive Virtue, Abstinence.
If you dost ill, the joy fades, not the pains;
If well, the pain doth fade, the joy remains.
Seven wealthy towns contend for Homer dead,
Through which the living Homer begged his bread.
Boy, bring a bowl of china here,
Fill it with water cool and clear;
Decanter with Jamaica ripe,
And spoon of silver, clean and bright,
Sugar twice-fin’d in pieces cut,
Knife, sieve, and glass in order put,
Bring forth the fragrant fruit, and then
We’re happy till the clock strikes ten.
When painful Colin in his grave was laid,
His mournful wife this lamentation made:
I’ve lost, alas! (poor wretch, what must I do?)
The best of friends and best of husbands too.
Thus of all joy and happiness bereft:
And with the charge of ten good children left;
A greater grief no woman sure can know.
Who (with ten children) – who will have me now?
My love and I for kisses play’d,
She would keep stakes, I was content,
But when I won, she would be paid,
This made me ask her what she meant:
Quoth she, since you are in this wrangling vein
Here take your kisses, give me mine again.
Impudent Jack, who now lives by his shifts,
Borrowing of driblets, boldly begging gifts,
For twenty shillings lent him t’other day,
(By one who ne’er expected he would pay,)
On his friend’s paper fain a note wou’d write.
His friend, as needless, did refuse it quite;
Paper was scarce, and ’twas too hard, it’s true,
To part with cash, and lose his paper too.
If evils come not, then our fears are vain;
And if they do, fear but augments the pain.
Things that are bitterer than gall,
Physicians say are always physical:
Now women’s tongues if into powder beaten,
May in a potion or a pill be eaten,
And as there’s nothing more bitter, I do muse,
That women’s tongues in physick they ne’er use.
Myself and others who lead restless lives,
Would spare that bitter member of our wives.
Man’s tongue is soft, and bone doth lack;
Yet a stroke therewith may break a man’s back.
Dick’s wife was sick, and pos’d the doctors’ skill,
Who differ’d how to cure th’ inveterate ill.
Purging the one prescribed. No, quoth another,
That will do neither good nor harm, my brother,
Bleeding’s the only way. “Twas quick reply’d
That’s certain death ; but e’en let Dick decide.
“I’ve no great skill, ” quo’ Richard, “by the Rood, But I think bleeding’s like to do most good.”
Women are books, and men the readers be,
Who sometimes in those books erratas see;
Yet oft the reader’s raptured with each line,
Fair print and paper, fraught with sense divine;
Tho’ some, neglectful, seldom care to read,
And faithful wives no more than bibles heed.
Are women books? says Hodge, then would mine were
An Almanack, to change her every year.
Grief often treads upon the heels of pleasure,
Marry’d in haste, we oft repent at leisure;
Some by experience find those words misplaced,
Marry’d at leisure, they repent in haste.
When Robin now three days had married been,
And all his friends and neighbors gave him joy,
This question of his wife he asked then,
Why till her marriage day she proved so coy?
Indeed, said he, ’twas well youdidst not yield,
For doubtless then my purpose was to leave thee.
0, sir, I once before was so beguil’ d,
And was resolved the next should not deceive me.
Wedlock, as old men note, hath likened been
Unto a public crowd or common rout;
Where those that are without would fain get in,
And those that are within, would fain get out.
Among the Divines there has been much Debate,
Concerning the World in its ancient Estate;
Some say ’twas once good, but now is grown bad,
Some say It isreform’d of the Faults it once had:
I say It isthe best World, this that we now live in,
Either to lend, or to spend, or to give in;
But to borrow, to beg, or to get a Man’s own,
It is the worst World that ever was known.
Says George to William, Neighbor, have a care,
Touch not that tree -It issacred to despair;
Two wives I had, but, ah! that joy is past!
Who breath’d upon those fatal boughs their last.
The best in all the row, without dispute,
Says Will-Would mine but bear such precious fruit!
When next you prune your orchard, save for me (I have a spouse) one cyon of that tree.
You cannot pluck roses without fear of thorns,
Nor enjoy a fair wife without danger of horns.
Deaf, giddy, helpless, left alone,
To all my friends a burthen grown,
No more I hear a great church bell,
Than if it rung out for my knell:
At thunder now no more I start,
Than at the whispering of a fart:
Nay what’s incredible, alack!
I hardly hear my Bridget’s clack.
Good Death, said a Woman, for once be so kind
To take me, and leave my dear Husband behind;
But when Death appear’d with a sour Grimace,
The Woman was dash’d at his thin hatchet Face;
So she made him a Court’sy, and modestly sed,
If you come for my Husband, he lies there in Bed.
Sam’s wife provoked him once; he broke her crown:
The surgeon’s bill amounted to five pounds;
This blow (she brags) has cost my husband dear,
He’ll never strike more: Sam chanced to overhear.
Therefore, before his wife the bills he pays,
And to the surgeon in her hearing says:
Doctor, you charge five pound, here e’en take ten,
My wife may chance to want your help again.
From a cross neighbor, and a sullen wife,
A pointless needle, and a broken knife;
From suretyship, and from an empty purse,
A smoaky chimney, and jolting horse;
From a dull razor, and an aking head;
From a bad conscience, and a buggy bed,
A blow upon the elbow and the knee;
From each of these, good Lord, deliver me.
Some of our sparks to London town do go,
Fashions to see, and learn the world to know;
Who at return have nothing but these to show:
New wig above, and new disease below.
Thus the jack-ass, a traveler once would be,
And roamed abroad new fashions for to see;
But home returned, fashions he had none,
Only his mane and tail were larger grown.
ON BUYING A BIBLE
It is but a Folly to rejoice, or boast,
How small a Price your well bought Purchase cost.
Until your Death, you shall not fully know
Whether it was a Pennyworth or no;
And, at that time, believe me ’twill appear
Extremely cheap, or else extremely dear.
Nigh neighbor to the squire, poor Sam complained
Of frequent wrongs, but no amends he gained.
Each day his gates thrown down; his fences broke;
And injured still the more, the more he spoke;
At last, resolved his potent foe to awe,
A suit against him he began in law;
Nine happy terms through all the forms he run,
Obtained his cause – had costs – and was undone.
A Parrot is for Prating priz’d,
But prattling Women are despis’d;
She who attacks another’s Honour
Draws every living Thing upon her.
Think, Madam, when you stretch your Lungs,
That all your Neighbors too have Tongues;
One Slander fifty will beget;
The World with Interest pays the Debt.
ON THE FLORIDA WAR
From Georgia to Augustine the General goes:
From Augustine to Georgia comes our Foes;
Hardy from Charleston to St. Simons hies,
Again from thence to Charleston back he flies.
Forth from St. Simons then the Spaniards creep;
Say, Children, Is not this your Play, Bo Peep?
From bad Health, bad Conscience, & Parties’ dull Strife
From an insolent Friend, & a termagant Wife,
From the Kindred of such (on one Side or t’other)
Who most wisely delight in plaguing each other;
From the Wretch who can cant, while he Mischief designs,
From old rotten Mills, bank’d Meadows & Mines;
From Curses like these if kind Heav’n defends me,
I’ll never complain of the Fortune it sends me.
If what most men admire they would despise,
‘Twould look as if mankind were growing wise.
Ill thrives that hapless family that shows
A cock that’s silent, and a hen that crows:
I know not which lives more unnatural lives,
Obeying husbands, or commanding wives.
Doris a widow past her prime,
Her spouse long dead, her wailing doubles;
Her real griefs increase by time;
What might abate, improves her troubles.
Those pangs her prudent hopes supprest,
Impatient now she cannot smother,
How should the helpless woman rest?
One’s gone;-nor can she get another.
EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF, ETC.
A Town fear’da Siege, and held Consultation,
What was the best Method of Fortification:
A grave skilful Mason declar’d his Opinion,
That nothing but Stone could secure the Dominion.
A Carpenter said, Tho’ that was well spoke
Yet he’d rather advise to defend it with Oak.
A Tanner much wiser than both these together,
Cry’d, Try what you please, but nothing’s like Leather.
Giles Jolt, as sleeping in his cart he lay,
Some pilfering villains stole his team away;
Giles wakes and cries, – what’s here? a dickens, what?
Why, how now? – Am I Giles or am I not?
If he, I’ve lost six geldings, to my smart;
If not, odds buddikins, I’ve found a cart.
Dorothy would with John be married;
Dorothy’s wise, I trow:
But John by no means Dorothy will wed;
John’s the wiser of the two.
Two or three frolicks abroad in sweet May,
Two or three civil things said by the way,
Two or three languishes, two or three sighs,
Two or three bless me’s and let me die’s!
Two or three squeezes, and two or three towzes,
With two or three hundred pound spent at their houses,
Can never fail cuckolding two or three spouses.
Think, bright Florella, when you see,
The constant changes of the year,
That nothing is from ruin free,
The gayest things must disappear.
Think of your beauties in their bloom,
The spring of sprightly youth improve;
For cruel age, alas, will come,
And then ’twill be too late to love.
Syl. dreamt that bury’d in his fellow clay,
Close by a common beggar’s side he lay:
And, as so mean a neighbour shock’d his pride,
Thus, like a corpse of consequence, he cry’d;
Scoundrel, begone; and hence forth touch me not:
More manners learn; and, at a distance, rot.
How, scoundrel, in a haughtier tone cry’d he;
Proud lump of dirt, I scorn yourwords and thee:
Here all are equal; now yourcase is mine;
This is my rotting place, and that is thine.
Whate’er’s desired, knowledge, fame, or pelf,
Not one will change his neighbour with himself;
The learn’d are happy nature to explore,
The fool is happy that he knows no more.
The rich are happy in the plenty given;
The poor contents him with the care of heaven.
Thus does some comfort ev’ry state attend,
And pride’s bestowed on all, a common friend.
Kind Katherine to her husband kiss’d these words,
“Mine own sweet Will, how dearly I love thee!”
If true (quoth Will) the world no such affords.
And that it’s true I durst his warrant be:
For ne’er heard I of woman good or ill,
But always loved best, her own sweet Will.
What will not Luxury taste? Earth, Sea, and Air,
Are daily ransacked for the Bill of Fare.
As honest Hodge the Farmer sow’d his Field,
Chear’d with the Hope of future gain ‘twould yield,
Two upstart Jacks in Office, proud and vain,
Come riding by, and thus insult the Swain:
You drudge and sweat, and labour here, Old Boy,
But we the Fruit of your hard Toil enjoy.
Belike you may, quoth Hodge, and but your Due,
For, Gentlemen, It is HEMP I’m sowing now.
Fond Pride of Dress is sure an empty Curse;
Ere Fancy you consult, consult your Purse.
Celia’s rich Side-board seldom sees the Light,
Clean is her Kitchen, and her Spits are bright;
Her Knives and Spoons, all rang’d in even Rows,
No Hands molest, nor Fingers discompose:
A curious Jack, hung up to please the Eye,
Forever still, whose Flyers never fly:
Her Plates unsully’d shining on the Shelf;
For Celia dresses nothing, but herself.
When will the miser’s chest be full enough?
When will he cease his bags to cram and stuff?
All day he labours and all night contrives,
Providing as if he’d an hundred lives,
While endless care cuts short the common plan.
So have I seen with dropsy swol’n, a man,
Drink and drink more, and still unsatisfied,
Drink till drink drown’d him, yet he thirsty dy’d.
I never saw an oft-transplanted tree,
Nor yet an oft-removed family,
That throve so well as those that settled be.
Sam had the worst wife that a man could have,
Proud, lazy sot, could neither get nor save;
Eternal scold she was, and what is worse,
The devil burn thee, was her common curse.
Forbear, quoth Sam, that fruitless curse, so common,
He’ll not hurt me, who’ve married his kinswoman.
Our smith of late most wonderfully swore,
That whilst he breathed he would drink no more.
But since, I know his meaning, for I think
He meant he would not breathe while he did drink.
What knowing judgment, or what piercing Eye,
Can MAN’s mysterious Maze of Falsehood try?
Intriguing MAN, of a suspicious Mind,
MAN only knows the Cunning of his Kind:
With equal Wit can counter-work his Foes,
And Art with Art, and Fraud with Fraud oppose.
Then heed ye FAIR, e’er you their Cunning prove,
And think of Treach’ry, while they talk of Love.
Beneath this silent stone is laid,
A noisy, antiquated maid,
Who, from her cradle talk’d till death,
And ne’er before was out of breath.
Whither she’s gone we cannot tell;
For if she talks not, she’s in Hell!
If she’s in Heaven, she’s there unblest
Because she hates a place of rest.
A nymph and a swain to Apollo once prayed,
The swain had been jilted, the nymph been betray’d;
They came for to try if his oracle knew,
E’er a nymph that was chaste, or a swain that was true.
Apollo stood mute, and had like to be pos’d:
At length he thus sagely the question disclos’d;
He alone may be true in whom none will confide,
And the nymph may be chaste that has never been try’d.
Thus with kind words, squire Edward cheer’d his friend;
Dear Dick! youon my friendship may’st depend;
And be assur’d, I’ll ne’er see Dick in want.
But now in debt, and all his assets scant,
Dick’s soon confin’d, – his friend no doubt would free him:
His word he kept, – in want he ne’er would see him.
It is a strange Forest that has no rotten Wood in’t
And a strange Kindred that all are good in ‘t.
More carefully the holy book survey:
Your rule is, you should watch as well as pray.
Tim and his Handsaw are good in their Place,
Tho’ not fit for preaching or shaving a face.
Girls, mark my Words; and know, for Men of Sense,
Your strongest Charms are native Innocence.
Shun all deceiving Arts; the Heart that’s gain’d
By Craft alone, can ne’er be long retain’d.
Arts on the Mind, like paint upon the Face,
Fright him, that’s worth your Love, from your Embrace.
In simple Manners all the Secret lies:
Be kind and virtuous, you’ll be blest and wise.
Luke, on his dying Bed, embraced his Wife,
And beg’d one Favour: Swear, my dearest Life,
Swear, if you love me, never more to wed,
Nor take a second Husband to your Bed.
Anne dropt a Tear. You know, my dear, says she,
Your least Desires have still been Laws to me;
But from this Oath, I beg you’d me excuse;
For I’m already promised to John Hughes.
A Farmer once made a Complaint to a Judge,
My Bull, if it please you, Sir, owing a Grudge,
Belike to one of your good Worship’s Cattle,
Has slain him out-right in a mortal Battle:
I’m sorry at heart because of the Action,
And want to know how must be made Satisfaction.
Why, you must give me your Bull, that’s plain;
Says the Judge, or pay me the Price of the Slain.
But I have mistaken the Case, Sir, says John,
The dead Bull I talk of, & please you, ‘s my own:
And yours is that Beast that the Mischief has done.
The Judge soon replies with a serious Face:
Say you so? then this Accident alters the Case.
All other Goods by Fortune’s Hand are giv’n,
A WIFE is the peculiar gift of Heav’n.
Vain Fortune’s Favours, never at a Stay,
Like empty Shadows, pass, and glide away;
One solid Comfort, our eternal Wife,
Abundantly supplies us all our Life:
This Blessing lasts (if those that try say true)
As long as Heart can wish – and longer too.
A year of Wonders now behold!
Britons despising Gallic Gold!
A Year that stops the Spanish Plunders!
A Year that they must be Refunders!
A Year that sets our Troops a marching!
A Year secures our Ships from Searching!
A Year that Charity’s extended!
A Year that Whig and Tory’s blended!
Amazing Year! that we’re defended!
EPITAPH ON A CLERGYMAN
Here lies, who need not here be nam’d,
For Theologic Knowledge fam’d;
Who all the Bible had by rote,
With all the Comments Calvin wrote;
Parsons and Jesuits could confute,
Talk Infidels and Quakers mute,
To every Heretick a foe;
Was he an honest man? — So, so.
My sickly spouse, with many a sigh
Once told me, – Dicky, I shall die:
I griev’d, but recollected strait,
‘Twas bootless to contend with fate:
So resignation to Heaven’s will
Prepar’d me for succeeding ill;
‘Twas well it did; for on my life,
‘Twas Heaven’s will to spare my wife.
Sylvia while young, with ev’ry Grace adorn’d,
Each blooming Youth, and fondest Lover scorn’d:
In Years at length arriv’d at Fifty-nine,
She feels Love’s Passions as her Charms decline:
Thus Oaks a hundred Winters old
Just as they now expire,
Turn Touchwood, doated, grey and old,
And at each Spark take Fire.
Lord if our days be few, why do we spend,
And lavish them to such an evil end?
Or why if they be evil, do we wrong
Ourselves and thee, in wishing them so long?
Our days decrease, our evils still renew,
We make them ill, youkindly mak’st them few.
Some ladies are too beauteous to be wed,
For where’s the Man that’s woryourof their Bed?
If no Disease reduce her Pride before,
Lavinia will be ravisht at three score.
Then she submits to venture in the Dark,
And nothing now, is wanting – but her spark.
Biblis does Solitude admire,
A wond’rous Lover of the Dark;
Each Night puts out her Chamber Fire,
And only leaves a single Spark;
This, worshipping, she keeps alive —
Warm’d by her Piety, no doubt:
Then, tir’d with kneeling, just at five,
She sighs and lets that Spark go out.
“I give and I devise” (old Euclid said,
And sigh’d) “My Lands and Tenements to Ned.”
Your money, Sir? “My money, Sir! what, all?
Why-if I must-(then wept) I give it Paul.”
The Manor, Sir? “The Manor! hold,” he cry’d;
“Not that I cannot part with that” – and dy’d.
These Blessings, Reader, may Heav’n grant to thee;
A faithful Friend, equal in Love’s degree;
Land fruitful, never conscious of the Curse,
A liberal Heart and never-failing Purse;
A smiling Conscience, a contented mind;
A temp’rate knowledge with true Wisdom join’d;
A life as long as fair, and when expir’d,
A kindly Death, unfear’d as undesir’d.
Your homely face, Flippanta, you disguise
With patches, numerous as Argus’ eyes:
I own that patching’s requisite for you:
For more we’re pleas’d, if less your face we view:
Yet I advise, if my advice you’d ask,
Wear but one patch:- but be that patch a mask.